


Secret Santa: Fallout

by aellisif



Series: Secret Santa Series [3]
Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, F/M, Optimus will never live this down, Oral Sex, Other, Sex Tapes, Sex Toys, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, although they’re completely accidental, and let’s just hope Megatron never finds out, the voyeurism less so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25335400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aellisif/pseuds/aellisif
Summary: Why, God, why?
Relationships: June Darby/William Fowler, Megatron/Optimus Prime
Series: Secret Santa Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833973
Comments: 26
Kudos: 84





	Secret Santa: Fallout

**Author's Note:**

> So, I actually wrote this piece before I wrote Secret Santa: Most precious gift, and then wrote that one because I wanted to post this. Don’t laugh, in my head that totally made sense …

The morning of Prime and Megatron’s wedding dawned bright and sunny and promised to provide the perfect background setting for the ceremony of the millennium.

Granted, Fowler had not the slightest inkling whether that applied to the morning in question on Cybertron as well. For all he knew when his work phone suddenly started shrilling, Cybertron could have been experiencing torrential acid rainstorms.

That would have worried him a lot less that General Bryce’s abrupt order to turn on his laptop and start a video call.

Ever the dutiful soldier, Fowler stumbled out of bed, slipped into a fresh shirt and found a tie (but kept his jogging pants on – not like Bryce would be able to see him from the waist down) and hurried down into the kitchen, where a concerned June followed him in the space of seconds.

“Is something wrong? Has something happened to Jack?” she asked, every inch a mother on the verge of breaking into a run to save her (26-year-old) son from whatever mishap might have befallen him.

Fowler grunted and hoped his laptop was booting up fast enough for Bryce’s taste. “Bots woulda called us first,” he said and June relaxed slightly. “Don’t know what Bryce wants, he knows we’ll be out of town today.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and Fowler sighed, rubbing his eyes a last time before he opened the video conferencing application. “‘Off the planet’ just sounds pretentious.”

June snorted and moved out of camera range to make coffee. Could as well get started, although they wouldn’t need to get ready to actually spacebridge to Cybertron before 10. Jack, Miko and Raf were already there, probably driving their former guardians up the walls. Fowler only hoped Optimus would keep Megatron far away from them, because if Megatron caught the jitters pre-ceremony and then had to deal with human beings, there might just be a major diplomatic incident on the horizon.

He found out that Megatron didn’t even need to catch pre-ceremony jitters, because the diplomatic incident had already occurred.

“Care to explain why there’s a video clip of two huge robots having a go at each other near Jasper last night going viral?” Bryce bellowed the moment the connection was established, clearly enraged. “Not only two bots, but Prime and Megatron? Who doesn’t have diplomatic immunity on this planet?”

Fowler blinked, his stomach dropping, immediately worried that something, somehow, might have set the whole conflict off again, and on the eve of Prime and Megatron’s bonding ceremony to boot. Shit. This was not good. No, scratch that, this was terrible! Prime had been so happy (well, what counted for happy where Prime was concerned) lately, and had truly been looking forward to today. He had even asked June for advice on wedding preparations, having witnessed her and Fowler’s.

Fowler sent a quick prayer to whichever deities might be listening that there had been a misunderstanding. Megatron might just have taken a trip to Earth to get away from the pre-wedding bustle, as usual ignoring diplomacy and interplanetary protocols, and Prime had perhaps come by to pick him up? Heaven knew Fowler sometimes wanted to be off-planet as well when the kids and their bots celebrated their infrequent reunions.

“Is there any more information available? Sir?” he asked respectfully, opting for the hopeful course of action, and Bryce huffed.

“I’m sending you a link. I can’t make head nor tails of it. Doesn’t _look_ like Prime and Megatron are fighting, but they are definitely up to _something.”_

Well, that was something. In Fowler’s experience, a fight between Prime and Megatron couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. That did beg the question of why Bryce was this upset about it. Other than Megatron being on-planet without prior warning.

“Sir, might I see the video? Please?”

The computer beeped and Fowler opened his e-mails while Bryce glared at him through the screen. “I want this solved and explained ASAP, soldier, understood?”

“Yes, sir. Of course, sir. I’ll get back to you the moment I know more.”

Bryce closed the call and Fowler sighed to himself and glumly prepared for whatever horrors the file might contain. June, who had so far been keeping out of sight at the corner of the kitchen, came closer and said, clearly in attempt to comfort him, “They would’ve let us know if the ceremony wasn’t happening, Bill.”

Fowler groaned, rubbing his face. “I sure hope they would’ve! Still, what were Prime and Megatron doing around Jasper last night? Not like Prime not to give us a heads-up when he’s planning to visit Earth. Megatron, that’s another question entirely, but Prime?”

June shrugged. “Let’s take a look, shall we?”

Fowler took a deep breath and opened the file. It was dark, definitely taken at night, and with a camera that had had trouble adjusting to the lack of light. Still, the huge forms of two big Cybertronians were clearly recognisable in between the shadows, and to anyone who knew them, they were equally easily recognisable as Prime and Megatron.

What was less than clear was what the two of them were up to, because they were pretty entwined with each other.

“Are they snuggling?” June asked, a note of delight in her voice, and Fowler took a closer look and realised that she was probably right – they were snuggling, although that appeared to involve a lot more rolling around than human cuddles usually did. Which was probably what had led Bryce to be concerned, because when two giant alien robots rolled around snuggling, that produced quite a racket. Fowler could see how this could easily be misconstrued as grappling, but other than Bryce, he had seen Prime and Megatron grapple, and this was definitely not what was happening.

A relieved breath escaped him. June patted his shoulder just as Prime disengaged from the snuggle-pile and knelt beside Megatron, who appeared unconcerned and rumbled some indecipherable car-being-flattened-by-piano sound at him. Cybertronian. Oh well, one could hardly expect them to speak Earth languages when they were talking to each other. Fowler didn’t really mind, either, because as long as they were talking and snuggling, even if it was a loud kind of snuggling, there was a completely innocent explanation in there, and once he had it, he could get back to Bryce and tell him not to worry.

Prime replied with a string of noises that sounded like nothing so much as a kid banging pots and pans against each other and then put both his hands on Megatron’s legs and pushed them apart and -

Fowler’s jaw fell open. He rubbed his eyes, then looked again. So, thanks to Megatron’s inappropriate little courting surprise for Prime way back when, he was well aware that Cybertronians had Cybertronian versions of genitals and that they fucked. Despite June’s tongue-in-cheek teasing about his reluctance to touch that topic with a ten-foot-pole, he had so far managed to firmly keep his brain from providing him with any visuals of what their interfacing activities might look like.

Hard to stop his brain from jumping to the obvious conclusion, though, when he was watching Prime settle comfortably between Megatron’s legs and lower his head down to Megatron’s equivalent of a crotch.

Jesus holy friggin’ Christ, was Prime giving Megatron _face?_

Fowler stared, his jaw hanging open as June started trembling behind him.

Dear sweet Lord Jesus Christ, he was looking at Prime giving Megatron face.

Looking and _listening_ to Prime eating Megatron out. Not that Fowler understood the trash compactor noises Megatron was making, but if he had to guess, Prime was pretty good at it, too, because when he raised his head to make bin-getting-kicked noises back at Megatron, he was determinedly pushed back to his former position between Megatron’s legs.

Which promptly jerked as soon as Prime got back to the job at hand. Yep, the big guy _definitely_ knew what he was doing.

“Oh, god,” Fowler said faintly. No wonder Bryce didn’t know what to make of this clip. Fowler had, uhm, forgotten to pass that bit of information on to the general after Prime had so kindly explained the cyberbirds and robobees to June and him on that memorable evening, figuring it wasn’t really relevant to human-Cybertronian relations. Besides, he knew the brass well enough to also know that genderfluid (genderless?) intersex (unisex?) alien robots were sure to make them even more uncomfortable than alien robots by themselves. Hell, Fowler had trouble wrapping his mind around the concept of Prime being submissive. Yes, he knew that was heteronormative and also, insulting to every woman alive (June had done a pretty good job getting that message across), but Fowler had grown up in a pretty conservative catholic household, and he was trying not to jump to conclusions, but it was hard. It was hard already to see the regal, quiet and withdrawn leader of the Autobots as a being with sexual needs and desires, it was even harder to reconcile his image of the towering, strong war machine with someone who lay back and spread his legs to take it.

Although – Fowler looked at Megatron’s face and the little clouds of white steam coming out of hidden vents in his armour – seemed like Megatron didn’t much mind being the one to lie back and take it, either. Huh. Interesting. Did that mean Prime was going to do Megatron?

He coughed, embarrassed by his own thoughts, and reached for the button. “I’ll tell General Bryce there’s nothing to worry about, they were just enjoying some quality time alone,” he said, his voice strangled, and June slapped his hand away. “June, we shouldn’t be watching this -”

“I’ll apologise to Optimus and Megatron after the ceremony,” she said, eyes glued to the screen. “Don’t you want to know what’s gonna happen next?”

Fowler snapped his mouth shut and kept watching, trying to avoid squirming in his seat. Prime’s hand had disappeared somewhere and reappeared now, holding _the blasted vibrator Megatron had given him!_

“June -” Fowler tried and his wife sniggered.

“You can leave. I’m watching this to the sweet conclusion.”

Fine. Fowler steeled himself and determinedly kept his eyes on the screen where Megatron had taken the vibrator out of Prime’s hand and turned it on. Rumbling some more car-slowly-being-flattened noises, he directed Optimus to lie beside him in what was very recognisably a 69-position.

Had Bryce actually watched the whole clip? There was no way he had reached this part without getting a _very_ good idea of what was going on! Just no way!

Especially not when that vibrator went exactly where Fowler had feared it would go, and disappeared between Prime’s legs to the accompanying sounds of what he figured counted as enthusiastic consent, but sounded more like a lawnmower with a really bad cough.

“If you ever sound like that when we have sex, I’m calling a mechanic,” he said without thinking and June burst out laughing.

“You do that, hon,” she chuckled, then said, “Look at that, fits like a glove!”, and Fowler kind of wished he could strangle her at least a little, because _thank you,_ he _knew_ that blasted toy was modelled on Megatron’s parts, and the question of whether it would fit into Prime was another question he had studiously avoided even thinking about.

The only thing that saved him from dying with embarrassment at the rest of the show (and slight horror at the noises that were apparently considered sexy on Cybertron) was that it concluded in bright arcs of light flashing across both Cybertronians, so blinding that even in front of the computer he had to blink his eyes several times to regain proper use of them.

Apparently the electrical discharge had done the camera in as well, because the video had stopped when he was able to see again. Fowler kept staring at the screen, though, afraid to even glance at his wife. June was trembling where she was leaning over his shoulders, and he knew exactly why.

“So,” she finally managed, almost gasping with subdued laughter, “need help figuring out how to explain to your boss what an overload is?”

Fowler was so, so screwed.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure whether Megatron will declare war on Earth if/when he finds out, or just think it’s hilarious.
> 
> … he’ll probably declare war the moment he realises Optimus is really embarrassed by it …
> 
> I almost feel bad for doing this to them.


End file.
